I'm Mom, Me

Do you ever feel like there is a disconnect between the person you are and the person you want to be? Like somehow your actual self and your envisioned self do not line up? Do you ever set goals and promise yourself you’ll adopt new habits, new perspectives and outlooks and overall just do better? Then, do you fail? Do you not do want you wanted to do, what you planned to do, what you promised yourself that ‘from now on’ you would do? Well, I’m there.

I call this the Default Me. It’s the person I revert back to when I’m not on my A game, not on my P & Q’s, not on the ball, the point, or target. When I’m tired, hungry, cranky, not in the mood for any mess, overwhelmed and easily annoyed. It’s the person that I am…when I’m not being who I want to be.

See, what I’m realizing is that being who you are, the person you are meant to be requires work. You have to push through how you feel and be proactive about making changes in your attitude, your outlook, your behaviors…your life. It’s not enough to provide lip service verbalizing the person you want to be when your daily actions speak to the contrary. It’s not large events or grand occasions that define our character, rather it’s the compellation of small, daily, routine tasks that uncover who we really are. The Default Me.

I want my Default Me to be better. When I’m not trying, when I’m just being, I want to act like the woman I so want to be. My current Default Me is highly sensitive, overly anxious, defensive, impatient, and overall easily shaken. I want to be rational, compassionate, and gentle. And I always plan to be this way, but then, well..I revert back to the Default Me. The one I want to change.

With September being my birthday month, it’s a perfect time to focus on aligning my true self and my desired self. I can improve my Default Me but it will require work. It won’t just happen because I want it to. I’ll have to make huge efforts each day to adjust my daily habits and behaviors until one day, the compassionate, rational, and gentle spirit I always want to have, is what comes forth when I’m not even trying.

I’ll end with a quote you’ve probably heard before but it so fitting here.

Good, better, best. Never rest, until your good becomes better and your better becomes best.

 Google says Tim Duncan heard this quote from his mom as a child so I’m not sure who to credit for this!